Q&A: Is Watching Porn Considered Cheating?

It’s pretty obvious these days that porn is everywhere, even when you aren’t actually trying to see it. If you have a device capable of connecting to the internet, you’re probably going to be exposed to porn before too long.

And considering that we have millions of videos at our fingertips, it’s no wonder people are spending more time than ever enjoying all the erotic content the web has to offer.

But is porn actually considered a form of cheating? Is it something that poses a threat to your relationship, and what’s people’s general take on this topic?

I did some research to find out exactly what other people think, and in this article, I’ll be sharing my findings! I’ll also be sharing some tips to help get your partner on board if they are uncomfortable with the idea of porn, but you enjoy watching it yourself.

How Do You Define Cheating?

Ultimately, the answer comes down to what you define as ‘cheating’ in your relationship. And truthfully, this varies from person to person, and couple to couple.

On one extreme end, some people consider something as simple as light flirting, or even just fantasizing about another person to be cheating. Enough to end a marriage, even. These people believe that ALL sexual thoughts should only be directed towards each other, and involving anyone else in your sex life, even if it’s just a mental picture, is crossing the line.

Other people allow different degrees of sexual acts before considering it cheating. For example, going to strip clubs and receiving a lap dance – even if it makes you cum would be fine, but actually having sex would be crossing the line.

Further Reading: Q&A: Is It Okay To Cum During A Lap Dance? (+ Tips!)

Still, some people even consider sex to be okay as long as there is no romance or intimacy between you.

So, there is no clear answer to whether porn itself can be considered cheating. It all comes down to what the two of you actually define as cheating, and what the two of you are each comfortable with.

Is Interaction The Benchmark For ‘Crossing The Line?’

One thing I’ve noticed while talking with couples – and callers on the phone, is that not all porn is equal.

Passively watching a video of a famous pornstar might be completely fine. However, the internet has evolved a lot since then.

Today, we have a lot of new forms of porn that weren’t available 20 years ago. For example, we have cam sites that allow you to interact with the models in real-time, even taking them one-on-one for private shows. We have interactive sex toys that performers can control to stimulate you. We have heaps of Onlyfans girls that hustle hard to keep your subscription, sometimes talking with customers for hours a day. We have VR porn that actually makes you feel like you’re in the room with the performer. The list goes on and on.

One thing I’ve noticed is that the more interactive the experience is, the more it tends to make the partner uncomfortable.

It does not matter that you’ll never actually pursue a relationship with the girl you’re dming on Onlyfans. The fact that it takes your sexual attention away from the media itself, and places it more towards the actual person – AND the two of you are off enjoying each other together, makes interactive websites a lot more problematic for couples.

In a monogamous relationship, I think this is fair for most people – there’s a reasonable assumption you won’t have sexual interactions with other people, at least that’s how society as a whole seems to view it. I personally do not think porn is a problem, so long as it’s not coming at the expense of a relationship entirely (i.e, your partner is not avoiding sex with you to watch porn instead, stuff like that.)

That being said, I may be a bit biased – I work in the adult industry, I make my own porn, and I get off on the idea of my future partner bringing new people into the bedroom to play with. For me personally, I will want to make their every sexual fantasy come true, so for me personally, crossing the line is when we are no longer each other’s number one, he’s falling out of love with me and into love with someone else, and so on. But as far as sex itself, anything goes in my book. I understand that’s not how it is for most couples, but that’s my personal view on things.

Set Expectations Early

In any case, in order to avoid any disappointment and frustration, you’ll need to set expectations between the two of you early. If you’ve never talked about it before, now would be a good time to have a deep, analytical conversation about what you consider cheating and what doesn’t.

You may know for example that you are okay with never actually having sex with another woman, but you won’t be able to avoid watching porn.

Your sex life is important, and understanding everyone’s boundaries and rules ensures that you’re sexually compatible with each other. And if you’re not, it’s better to find this out early on, so you can avoid wasting time with someone that just isn’t right for you. Of course, I’ll be sharing some tips in a minute that might help sway your partner’s mind.

This is a big topic, and you really need to think about it. It’s easy to avoid porn for the first few months of a relationship when it’s new and exciting, and the two of you are having sex all the time. But what about 2 years from now? What if your partner stops being in the mood for sex as they get older?

When choosing a life partner, this is an important thing to think about!

How To Bring Your Partner On Board

Most of the time, it’s the woman in the relationship that has an issue with porn. That’s just the way it is. It could be because men are hardwired to want to fuck as many different women as possible, or it could be because society places such an emphasis on women’s looks, and their ability to lock down a good man. Whatever the cause, 9 out of 10 times I talk with people about concerns surrounding porn, it’s the woman with the concerns.

So, how can you help your wife or girlfriend feel more okay with it?

To start, reiterate that you aren’t watching porn because of them. Porn can create a lot of insecurities for women, because they’re comparing themselves to the world’s hottest people, doing sex acts that they may not have any interest in. Remind her that you find her attractive, you love having sex with her, and she will always be your number one priority.

Make sure she knows that you love her just the way she is, and she doesn’t need to change herself for you. Just because you’re watching say, a blonde woman on your screen, doesn’t mean that you wish she’d dye her hair blonde.

After that, see how you can get them involved! Make the experience about them, rather than the girls on the screen. Look for opportunities to watch porn together.

If jumping straight into it is too much, maybe put on an erotic movie to watch without whipping out your cock and jerking it when the sex scenes come on. Or, come up with an idea the two of you would like to try out in the bedroom, then watch a video or two for inspiration before trying it out yourself.

Make it fun and keep it focused on her, and before long she may be the one bringing up the idea of porn. It can enhance your sex life after all, and studies show that couples that watch porn together experience higher satisfaction in their relationship. Go science, right?

Closing Thoughts

When it comes down to it, whether or not porn is considered cheating is entirely dependent on what you two actually define as cheating. To some people, even thinking of another person is cheating, where as others don’t even mind threesomes as long as you are still devoted to each other.

Speaking of which, if you want to learn how to convince your wife to let you have a threesome, be sure to check out this article here.

Anyhow, I’d love to hear your thoughts through the comment form below. Do you consider porn cheating? If so, why? If not, what WOULD be crossing the line for you?

I’m really interested to hear what you have to say!

~ Lexi