Q&A: I’m Going To Lose My Virginity Soon. How Do I Prepare? (Guide For Men)

So, you’re about to lose your virginity, and you want to make sure that everything goes smoothly. Congratulations! Or, maybe you just want to be ready whenever that time comes.

Sex is great – some people say it’s the closest we get to Heaven on Earth, and you’re probably really excited to begin having it soon!

Of course, losing your virginity is made out to be a big deal, when really it’s not. And with the expectations and pressure, comes a lot of nervousness.

So, in this article, I’m going to be breaking down 8 key things you need to know before losing your virginity, so you can be adequately prepared when the day arrives.

Note: The terms I use in this article are for straight men, since that makes up the majority of my audience. However, the same principles apply to anyone that has a penis. Simply swap out ‘vagina’ for ‘anus’ if that is the hole you’ll be fucking!

1. Abstain From Porn For As Long As You Can Beforehand

First things first, I assume just because you’re about to have sex for the first time, doesn’t mean you’ve never given yourself sexual pleasure.

Let’s be honest. Most of us started young, and never stopped.

The problem with porn is that it desensitizes you to ‘regular’ women, in ‘regular’ circumstances. If your brain is used to seeing the world’s most attractive women living out the hottest scenarios imaginable, well, the average person isn’t going to excite as much in comparison. This can lead to porn-induced erectile dysfunction, even in those that have sex regularly.

For a virgin however, the problem may be even worse – because more so than anything, you’re likely to be nervous and anxious about your performance. This is perfectly natural, and I doubt there’s any guy on the planet that wasn’t at least a little anxious his first time.

Unfortunately, one of the most common challenges virgin men face the first time having sex is that they can’t get it up – or keep it up. The pressure and anxiety is simply too much, and they’re unable to perform.

This can continue even after having sex multiple times. You start out anxious, you don’t immediately get an erection, and it snowballs into more anxiety, making an erection even harder – to achieve and maintain, I mean. 🤣

The last thing you want is to be ready to have sex, but not be able to ever start because you couldn’t get an erection.

So, lay off the porn for as long as you can before the big day comes.

2. Make Sure You’re VERY Clean

One thing you don’t want to have to worry about while having sex for the first time is your hygiene.

This means that you should ideally take a shower right before you meet up with them to have sex – not the morning of, and especially not the day before.

Make sure you clean everywhere, including your balls and your ass. Clean your foreskin if you have it, and make sure you get soap around the head of the penis, the inside of your legs, and so on.

Now honestly, body odor isn’t something that really is a big deal provided you are at least relatively clean. The real benefit of cleaning yourself right before you go to have sex is that it’s one less thing you have to worry about, one less thought that can pester your mind and lead to performance anxiety.

3. Lower Your Expectations

This is a big one.

You may have spent years building up what sex is going to be like in your head. Forget everything you think you know. Chances are, there won’t be birds singing in the sky, there won’t be fireworks going off in the background, and magical rainbows won’t appear outside your window. It’s probably going to be awkward, a little silly, and it’ll be over pretty quick.

The good news? It gets better. Sex only gets better the more you do it, so don’t worry if your first time isn’t all that grand. Just getting it into her vagina is something to be proud of and excited about, and there is SO much less pressure after that first time has passed.

Hopefully, you’ll be losing it to someone that’s understanding, and that you’re truly comfortable with. By lowering your expectations however, you take additional pressure off yourself, and make it easier to just take it however it comes – enjoying the sex in the moment, without worrying about what’s supposed to be happening, or how it’s supposed to go.

Tip: If you want to desensitize your penis a little bit before you have sex, I recommend trying out an onahole like the Slut Angel DX from Onahole.com. It feels pretty close to a real vagina, and will feel like a world of difference compared to using your hand!

4. Have Contraception On Hand

Another one that seems pretty obvious, but is easy to forget about!

Even if you have experience edging, you may not be able to control yourself once you’re inside of a woman’s vagina. It’ll feel much better for one, but also, you’re now working with two people.

Even if you were to freeze up and not move at all to prevent an orgasm, she might move or squeeze down or do something that pushes you over the edge.

Getting pregnant isn’t quite as easy as high school sex-ed would have you believe, but it only takes one sperm cell to fertilize an egg – and it’s possible to leak semen even if you don’t ejaculate inside of her.

So, if she’s not on birth control (or you’re not absolutely sure of it), consider wearing a condom.

Condoms protect against STDs anyway, which is important if you aren’t sure whether or not your partner is a carrier of any.

5. To Tell, Or Not To Tell?

One question that often comes up is whether or not you should tell the other person that you’re a virgin. And ultimately, this is a personal choice, and may come down to the unique person and situation.

Personally, I’m an advocate for open communication. Telling the other person that you’re a virgin will make things more comfortable, and decrease the pressure that you’ll put on yourself. Your partner will be in a better position to support you and help ease your nerves, and they won’t have the same expectation on you that they may have had with previous sexual partners.

Reasonable people understand that everybody’s first time isn’t easy, and it doesn’t mean you won’t be amazing at sex in the future. Like any skill, it takes practice, after all!

You’ve also got to ask yourself, do you really want to have sex with someone who you can’t even confide in? Should you even be with someone if they were to be judgemental?

Secrets hurt relationships. While you don’t need to volunteer that you’re a virgin on the first date, it’ll probably be better for the both of you if you share it with her before you have sex.

Remember, if you’re not going to be the greatest at sex anyway, at least prove that you have the potential to get better. She’ll appreciate that you trusted her enough to tell her, too!

6. Let The Sex Start Naturally

One thing you want to avoid when the time comes, is rushing into it – or making it a giant event.

Sex is best when it comes naturally, and it’s easier for the both of you to stay and get aroused when it follows a natural progression, rather than being like, “okay, time to start!”

For example, watching a movie can lead to rubbing your hand on her leg, which leads to kissing, making out, touching her breasts through her shirt, undressing, body kissing, and THEN more sexual acts.

Foreplay should be used throughout your entire relationship, but it’s especially important the first time. It sets the mood, gets you used to sexual contact and nudity before you start having sex, and takes away the need to overthink.

Remember, if you’re not quite ready mentally, you can always focus on her pleasure before you start – rubbing, kissing, fingering, or even licking her before your penis gets anywhere near her vagina.

Even if the sex is short, the entire experience can be quite lengthy and memorable if you draw it out this way!

7. Keep It Straightforward

When it’s your first time having sex, you don’t want to get fancy. Forget anything and everything you’ve seen in porn.

There is no need to get all fancy trying to talk dirty, or bend her into some weird sex position. In fact, I recommend you stick with one of the two tried-and-true basics – missionary, or doggystyle.

Lube up for both of your pleasure, and to make it easier to slip in. It may be a good idea to finger her first so you can see exactly where her hole is. Pro tip – it’s lower than where most people typically expect.

You can then easily swap your fingers with your penis without having to poke around until you find it. Don’t be afraid to ask her to help guide it in either – if she knows you’re a virgin, this isn’t an unreasonable request.

From there, let your body take over, and do what comes naturally to it. You don’t need to start railing her or pumping as hard as you can. Keep a steady rhythm and make it sensual, rather than trying to jackhammer her.

8. Relax – And Have Fun!

Most of all, just remember to relax. Talk to her. Enjoy the moment and don’t focus on trying to cum – or trying to make her cum. That can wait for another time.

Right now, it’s just about the two of you enjoying sex together for the first time!

The pressure is now off – you’ve lost your virginity! And regardless of what happens next, you now have so much more experience. You know what to expect. The next time you have sex, it’ll be even better. And even still, the next time after that.

Remember to take time to talk afterwards and bask in the afterglow of it all.

Or, if you’re fun like me, crank up ‘I Just Had Sex’ by The Lonely Island and break out in song!

Closing Thoughts

Although losing your virginity might seem like one of the biggest events of your life so far, it isn’t as dramatic as it’s often made out to be.

Chances are, you won’t be amazing at sex the first time you try it – and that’s okay! Follow the advice laid out in this article, and you’re sure to have a successful and memorable time.

For more tips on improving your sex life and eventually becoming a king in the sheets, be sure to sign up to my email newsletter at LewdLexi.com/email/ – I share tips, advice, and resources regularly to improve your relationships and your sex life.

Go get ’em, and have fun!

~ Lexi