Why People Ghost (And How to Handle It!)

You’re texting someone you’re excited about. Maybe you’ve had a few dates, or maybe it’s just been late-night chats that felt like sparks flying. Then, without warning, silence. No replies. No excuses. Just… nothing. Welcome to the infuriating world of ghosting.

Ghosting – when someone abruptly cuts off communication without explanation – has become a hallmark of modern dating (and friendships, let’s be honest). But why do people ghost, and how do you handle it without feeling like you’re starring in a tragic rom-com? In this article, let’s unpack this experience, to understand why it occurs and what you should do about it.

Why Do People Ghost?

The Path of Least Resistance

One major reason people ghost is that it’s easy. Ending a connection – even a fleeting one – requires a level of emotional maturity and confrontation that not everyone is comfortable with. For many, it feels simpler to fade into the ether than to say, “I’m not feeling this.” In their minds, ghosting spares them an awkward conversation, even though it leaves you with the emotional equivalent of a cliffhanger.

Yes, it’s incredibly rude, and incredibly selfish. But ghosters don’t care. In their minds, they never have to think about you again, so they throw all of the burden on you and take none of it for themselves.

Fear of Conflict

Closely tied to avoidance, fear of conflict is another big driver of ghosting. Maybe they think you’ll be hurt or angry, and they’d rather not deal with your potential reaction. Ironically, ghosting often creates the very feelings they’re trying to dodge. A simple, “Hey, I don’t see this going anywhere” might sting, but it’s far kinder than leaving someone to stew in uncertainty.

People with an ‘avoidant’ attachment style may be more prone to ghosting, as they were never taught how to handle conflicts or resolve them gracefully while growing up. While this is no excuse, it can explain why some people are more prone to ghosting than others.

They’re Overwhelmed

Sometimes ghosting has less to do with you and more to do with their personal circumstances. Maybe they’re juggling work stress, family drama, or mental health struggles. Communication falls by the wayside, and instead of explaining, they vanish. If they’re juggling dozens of other things at the moment, getting back to a relationship that in their mind, has already ended, is not a priority.

It’s not an excuse, but it’s a reminder that ghosting isn’t always about you.

They Weren’t That Invested

This one’s a bitter pill: sometimes people ghost because the connection wasn’t as meaningful to them as it was to you. It’s not fair or kind, but in their eyes, disappearing feels proportionate to the level of attachment they had. They may think you’ll barely notice their absence, even though you’re left analyzing every message for clues.

Digital Detachment

Let’s face it: technology makes ghosting almost effortless. Back in the day, you’d at least have to dodge someone in person or hang up a rotary phone. Now, all it takes is not responding to a text or unmatching on Tinder.

The digital world can make people feel less accountable for their actions, as if the virtual nature of your connection makes it less real.

How to Handle Being Ghosted

Step 1: Resist the Urge to Spiral

The first thing you’ll WANT to do is figure out what went wrong. Did you say something weird? Were you too eager? Did they suddenly remember an ex they weren’t over?

The truth is, you’ll likely never know, and you need to be able to accept that.

Ghosting thrives on ambiguity, and chasing answers is a one-way ticket to frustration. Instead of dissecting every interaction, remind yourself that their actions are about them, not you.

Step 2: Allow Yourself to Feel

Being ghosted hurts. It’s rejection wrapped in confusion, and it can sting even if the relationship was brief.

Give yourself permission to feel annoyed, sad, or even angry. Bottling it up won’t help, and acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward moving on.

Put on your favorite playlist (bonus points if it’s an epic breakup anthem) and let yourself process.

Step 3: Don’t Chase the Ghost

When someone ghosts, the instinct to send one last message can be overwhelming.

You might want to call them out or ask for closure. But more often than not, this leads to further frustration.

If they wanted to explain, they would have. Sending a “Why did you ghost me?” text isn’t likely to bring them back, makes you look desperate, and puts the power in their hands.

Take the high road, even if it feels like an uphill climb.

Step 4: Reframe the Narrative

It’s easy to take ghosting personally, but try to reframe it as a blessing in disguise.

Someone who ghosts is showing you that they lack the communication skills or emotional maturity you deserve in a partner or friend. If they can’t even handle saying goodbye, they’re not the right person to build something meaningful with.

In their vanishing act, they’ve cleared the stage for someone better. Besides, it’s better that you don’t waste time on someone that’s not interested in you, when your future spouse is out there waiting for you to find them!

Step 5: Focus on Yourself

The best revenge isn’t a snarky text or a passive-aggressive Instagram story. It’s moving on and thriving.

Use the time and energy you would’ve spent on them to invest in yourself. Pursue hobbies, spend time with people who value you, and remind yourself of your worth.

Building your life up – for your OWN sake makes you more attractive, and that’s on top of the happiness and relief it can bring.

Final Thoughts

Ghosting isn’t just a personal slight; it’s part of a larger issue in modern relationships. It reflects a culture where people avoid difficult conversations and prioritize their own comfort over someone else’s feelings. While it’s easy to point fingers at dating apps and social media, the problem runs deeper. Ghosting thrives in a world where emotional labor – like having honest, uncomfortable conversations – is undervalued.

That said, it’s worth noting that not all ghosting is malicious. Sometimes people genuinely don’t know how to handle the situation, or they’re dealing with challenges that make communication hard. While it doesn’t excuse the behavior, understanding it can make it easier to let go of the resentment.

Remember, being ghosted says more about them than it does about you. And who knows? The next time your phone buzzes, it might be a message from someone who actually deserves your time.

~ Lexi