Do Long Distance Relationships Ever Work Out? (The Truth)

Long distance relationships have a reputation for being challenging, or somehow less ‘real’ than an in-person relationship. In fact, many people falsely believe that long distance or internet relationships are doomed from the start, and will only ever end with breaking up.

Thankfully, I want to say straight away that this isn’t necessarily true. Long distance relationships come with their own set of challenges, but their own set of rewards as well. And if you actively work on maintaining and progressing the relationship forward, there is no reason it can’t lead to the two people spending the rest of their lives together.

There are countless success stories, and you can be one of them.

That being said, we have to take a look at the objective reality of long distance relationships. What makes them work, and what causes them to fall apart. Just like most in-person relationships, not every person is going to be the right fit for you. But when you find that special someone, you don’t have to let the distance stop you.

What Makes Long Distance Relationships Fantastic

In today’s modern dating scene, I’m actually a huge fan of long distance relationships.

Think about it this way. Even if you live in a big city, there are only so many people around you that you’ll ever meet, and only a small percentage of those will be single. Of those that are single, you probably don’t vibe with most people – at least not enough to one day marry them.

The idea that there are 8 billion people on the planet and we believe we’ll find our soulmate within walking distance of our house is kind of silly.

The internet allows you to get exposed to and meet plenty of people at a much faster rate. Yes, most of them you’ll filter out quite quickly as potential mates, but it’s still much easier to find people that you really connect with.

This is especially true if you aren’t someone that gets out into the community, or partakes in hobbies outside the home.

Long distance relationships also give you the time to really get to know each other on a deeper and more personal level, without potentially rushing into things. Generally speaking, many people that enter into long distance relationships are better fits for each other than those you’d casually date, meaning you’ll be wasting less time on relationships that won’t work out.

Why Long Distance Relationships Fall Apart

Of course, long distance relationships have challenges, and that’s part of what gives them the stigma of being less viable.

Let’s look over some of the reasons why long distance relationships DON’T work out – at least not always. This will make it easier to avoid these potential issues if they appear in your relationship.

1. No Belief In The Future

After some time has gone on, most people naturally have a desire to escalate the relationship further, which isn’t always easy in long distance relationships.

With local relationships, it typically follows a path like this:

1. You start dating.
2. You two become exclusive.
3. You have sex for the first time. Sometimes, this step and the last one are flipped.
4. You move in with each other.
5. You get engaged, married, and spend the rest of your lives together.

With long distance relationships, you can really only get up to step two – becoming exclusive, before you run into problems.

While you can certainly do sexual things together, it’s not the same as doing it in person. And eventually, most people want to get married and have the relationship they dreamed of.

So, what happens? Well, even if you’ve been seeing each other in person, and are able to have sex when that happens, one person will inevitably have to move.

This is challenging if they have family, a career, or other obligations that they’d have to sacrifice. When both people are unwilling to give their current life up to move and live with the other person, the relationship fizzles out.

2. Mismatched Needs

This one affects local relationships as well, but problems become more prevalent in long distance relationships.

All of us have needs. Sex, intimacy, time together – these are all things that people expect in the relationship. And when there’s distance involved, making sure all of these needs are met can be more challenging.

You can’t make any surprise visits, and it’s harder to keep up with each other’s schedules. If somebody is not available to answer their phone (or chooses not to), there is absolutely no way to see or get in contact with them.

In some ways, the two of you are living completely different lives.

3. Fear, Jealousy, And Resentment

Often in long distance relationships, at least one of the two people are not getting enough of the other person. They may want more time, or simply to feel closer to them.

This makes them more prone to negative emotions when you spend time with other people in your life.

It’s important to remember that we are an irrational and anxious species. We are hardwired this way to keep us safe.

If you are a guy dating a woman, and you hang out with a female friend, this may make your partner jealous. In a local relationship, she’d be able to meet her, it may be immediately obvious the two of you are just friends. But when there’s distance involved, she does not have the same opportunity to put her fears at rest.

Let’s also be honest – it’s a lot easier to cheat in long distance relationships, because nobody is there to check on each other. Cheating is much easier to hide.

I’ve seen long distance relationships end just due to the accusation of cheating, when in fact, none was taking place.

The fact of the matter is, communication is just plain harder when it’s not done in person. Body language alone makes up over half the way we communicate, according to studies done. People misinterpret things you say over text, and poor communication reinforces fears, and amplifies problems.

This isn’t to say all problems can’t be solved, but it is another thing working against you.

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Truthfully, I could probably write an entire course on how to have successful long distance relationships. But here are some of my top tips:

1. Agree To A Plan – And Stick To It

Everyone always has more belief in something working, when they have a plan to achieve it. This is just as true for relationships as it is for anything else.

You need to define the goals you have for the relationship, make sure you’re on the same page, and then come up with an actionable plan for each of you to achieve it.

The plan should address the following topics:

• How long are you willing to wait before seeing each other?
• How frequently will you see each other in person?
• Who will be the one that eventually moves?
• For the person moving, what will be done to ensure that they feel safe, comfortable, and treated fairly?
• What will happen if the two of you move in together, and it doesn’t work out?
• How will you overcome long distance issues, like dates and sex?
• How long will you give the relationship before next steps – like moving in together are required?

You want to avoid making the other person feel like they’re being strung along, or like the relationship is going nowhere.

If you can, be as specific as possible, setting specific dates and steps needed for the plan to come to fruition.

2. Engage In Sexual Behavior

Like any relationship, it should not be all about the sex straight from the beginning.

However, it is an important part of the relationship, and you both need to be sure that your needs are being met.

In a long distance relationship, sex comes in many ways. Of course you should be sending naughty messages to each other, but surprise pictures, dedicated video calls, sharing fantasies, these are all good ways to keep the sexual spark, despite the distance.

I am a huge fan of mutual masturbation during video calls, as this incorporates real-time sight and sound that is so important for building sexual intimacy.

I also really like the long-distance toys that Lovense offers.

Most of their toys can be controlled from afar by the other person using an app.

Some toys – like the Lovense Max 2 and Lovense Nora, connect with each other. So, when she puts the dildo inside of her, it activates your toy the same amount, essentially making it so the two of you can pleasure each other!

The opposite is also true, you can fuck the Max 2 and it will activate her Nora, so it’s kind of like you’re fucking her.

Pretty neat!

3. Actively Make Each Other Feel Loved And Valued

If you want the relationship to thrive, it’s very important you pay attention to the five ‘love languages’ people have. These are:

• Acts of service
• Quality time
• Gifts
• Words of affirmation
• Physical touch.

Obviously, that last one isn’t possible, making the other four even MORE important. Thankfully, there is no reason you can’t utilize all of them.

For example, an act of service can be as simple as finding movies that you think the two of you might like to watch together. Quality time might be watching that movie, or another planned, memorable activity altogether. Gifts, I believe, should be something physical that they can actually see and hold, even when you’re not around. Bonus points if it’s something you made yourself, or has some sentimental meaning that’s unique to the two of you.

After all, who wouldn’t want a surprise gift arriving in the mail from their sweetheart?

If you want to learn more about the five love languages, check out this article here!

Closing Thoughts

There is no reason that long distance relationships can’t work. Soulmates come together every single day that originally met online, and I don’t believe distance will stop two people that are destined for each other.

Of course, because of the challenges that they bring, it does require you to be conscious of the issues, and work on minimizing them. But I believe in time, things can work out for you.

I’m curious – would you potentially be interested in taking a course on long distance relationships – either getting into one, or making them thrive and succeed? I’m hoping to get into more educational stuff soon, and I’m still deciding what to focus on first. So, do me a favor and let me know!

Anyhow, I hope you found this article helpful. Please feel free to reach out if there are ever any specific questions I can answer for you!

~ Lexi