Porn is often attributed to being the cause of many breakups or even divorces – which is why it’s so important to be on the same page regarding its use. However, if we’re going to fixate on the bad things it can cause, we owe equal time to explore the benefits it can provide as well.

In reality, as long as you two are both on board with each other watching porn, then watching it together as a couple can actually be quite a good thing.

So, in this article I’ll cover 6 different benefits you might not have thought about before. Who knows, maybe it’ll be worth trying out!

1. You Develop New Ideas To Try Out Together

I should probably say that the sex you see in porn is not a good representation of what sex should be like in real life. I do not believe at all that those who are inexperienced with sex should use pornography as a model for what to expect, how to act, or what to do.

But what about those who have had real, meaningful sex before?

Well, porn companies are known for their creative (and let’s be honest, sometimes ridiculous) scenarios. It turns out there are thousands of different ways to spice up what is ultimately, just a penis going in and out of a vagina, or an ass, or a mouth.

A lot of these ideas aren’t going to appeal to you. However, a lot of the fun in watching porn is the exploration, the new things that you find. Porn is a safe way to introduce new ideas to your partner if you’re not yet comfortable with communicating all of your desires directly.

Who knows – you may just discover something fun the two of you can do together – be it a new sex position, a new fetish to indulge in, or a new roleplay scenario to try out!

Tip: Consider listening to audio porn, which can get even more creative with its scenarios! This is because we aren’t bound by production budgets that have to make believable visuals. A low-budget sci-fi porno would be cheesy for example. With audio, we can still make it really immersive!

2. It Can Lead To Really Long, Fun Sex Sessions

Sex is fun. Most people want to have sex for as long as possible.

Of course, the issue with that often comes down to getting bored or losing arousal. As attractive as you may find your partner, the brain craves novelty, and it’s simply easier to stay horny for longer periods of time when you’re able to mix things up.

While I wish that I could snap my fingers and make a harem of attractive girls pop up in front of you, that would probably be a little more problematic than just, well, taking a visit over to The Hub. Or Spankbang. Or Xhamster. Or whatever is the main site of your choice.

Throwing some porn up and fucking until you can’t hold back any longer – then taking a break or engaging in some intimate play, can lead to sex lasting for literally hours.

As a woman, getting to cum over and over again while we enjoyed this together would be a real treat.

Remember, the more fun you make it for her, the more she’ll want to do it again!

3. It Can Help You Two Feel More Comfortable Together

In my opinion, this is one of the biggest benefits of them all.

Showing your partner your sexuality requires you to be vulnerable, and it can be really difficult to let your guard down – even if you feel comfortable with them.

Porn gives you an opportunity to explore each other’s sexuality in a calm, controlled, and fun environment.

For example, maybe there’s a kink or a roleplay scenario that you’ve fantasized about playing out, but you’ve been too shy to bring it up.

You could start breaking down this wall by watching some porn of it together first, and seeing that your partner doesn’t react poorly.

Then, you could ease into trying it out together!

I’ve seen entire couples’ sex lives change due to small acts like this!

4. It Can Aid Feelings Of Jealousy

Whether we like to admit it or not, humans crave variety when it comes to sex – even if we’re fully committed in a monogamous relationship.

This doesn’t mean that you or your partner ever has any intention to cheat, but this is simply the way we are wired.

Watching porn can help you or your partner realize that yes, you may get aroused by the sight of someone else. However, this doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less, or that you don’t want to be with them.

Pretty much every guy would look at an attractive woman and admit – at least to himself, that he’d enjoy sex with her. It would be unnatural to feel otherwise.

One of the greatest ways to overcome our fears is to be exposed to them, and see that we turn out okay.

Having your partner witness you getting horny for someone else – but still remaining committed and faithful to them might help them feel better about your natural urges.

5. Watching Porn Together Is A Great Way To Mix Things Up

Finally, watching porn together is a great way to spice up your sex life a little bit – even if you just use it as foreplay, before focusing on each other.

Obviously, you don’t need to watch porn every single time that you have sex.

However, by having new things to try out together, this can help sex remain exciting and novel, especially when it starts feeling like a routine.

You might consider planning a ‘date’ to watch porn together every Sunday, or maybe it’s something you do together when your wife is on her period as sort of a fun treat.

Ultimately, it is between the two of you to decide what the right balance is.

Conclusion

As long as the two of you don’t have any moral qualms about pornography, trying it out together can be a fun idea!

The worst that can happen is the two of you decide it isn’t right for you, and you don’t try it again for a while. Ultimately, no real harm is done.

If I may be so bold, I would like to draw attention to my own audio porn. This can be a good way to start or enhance your experience if traditional porn isn’t doing it for you. The fact that it’s audio-only allows you to focus even more on each other, while still providing some erotic stimulation, and some fun scenarios to think about.

My Patreon has hundreds of audios for you to listen to completely ad-free, as to not disrupt the experience at all. You can learn more by visiting my Patreon page here.

Thanks for reading, and have fun!

~ Lexi

Lewd Lexi

Lewd Lexi is a professional adult voice actress, phone sex operator, and sexuality educator. Here on LewdLexi.com, she shares not only her newest releases and projects, but works to provide resources to give everyone a better sex life!

Consider signing up to her email newsletter to stay up-to-date with newest releases, along with a bunch of other goodies you can learn about by clicking here!

lewdlexi.com

These patterns of relating often stem from what psychologists call attachment styles. Understanding attachment styles can unlock profound insights into why we behave the way we do in relationships and how to foster healthier connections.

In this article, we’ll look over the 4 primary attachment styles, how they form, which applies to you, how they influence your relationships, and more!

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles describe the way we form emotional bonds with others. First introduced by British psychologist John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory initially explored the bonds between infants and their caregivers. Bowlby believed that a child’s early experiences with caregivers shape their expectations and behaviors in relationships throughout life.

As adults, these attachment patterns often play out in romantic relationships, friendships, and even professional dynamics. While early attachment behaviors focus on survival (primarily securing comfort and safety), adult attachment styles influence how we seek intimacy, handle conflict, and manage the balance between closeness and independence.

This is true across all types of relationships, to an extent, including your relationship with friends and family.

Considering that your relationship with your partner is one of the most significant in your life, needless to say it can have profound effects on that as well!

The Four Main Attachment Styles

Most researchers identify four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Each has distinct characteristics and originates from specific childhood experiences.

Secure Attachment

Individuals with a secure attachment style are generally comfortable with intimacy and independence. They trust others and can depend on them without feeling overly needy or distant. This style is the healthiest and most balanced of all attachment styles.

Secure attachment typically develops in childhood when caregivers are consistently responsive, nurturing, and emotionally available. A securely attached child learns to trust that their needs will be met, forming a stable foundation for future relationships.

As adults, securely attached individuals are often seen as dependable partners who communicate effectively, resolve conflicts constructively, and support their loved ones. They’re also more likely to choose partners who share their level of emotional availability and security.

Anxious Attachment

People with an anxious attachment style often crave closeness and fear abandonment. They may come across as clingy or overly dependent because they worry about their partner’s feelings or commitment. This need for reassurance can sometimes lead to behaviors that push others away, perpetuating a cycle of insecurity.

Anxious attachment often stems from inconsistent caregiving during childhood. When a caregiver’s responses are unpredictable – sometimes attentive and other times neglectful – the child learns that love and support are unreliable. As a result, they grow up constantly seeking validation and fearing rejection.

In relationships, anxiously attached individuals are highly attuned to their partner’s emotions but may struggle with trust and self-esteem. They thrive with partners who are patient, communicative, and willing to provide the reassurance they need, although their ideal match is often someone with a secure attachment style who can help balance their emotional intensity.

Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant individuals value independence and often resist emotional closeness. They may appear self-sufficient and dismissive of relationships, preferring to keep others at arm’s length. This detachment is a defense mechanism to avoid vulnerability and potential rejection.

Avoidant attachment usually develops in childhood when caregivers are emotionally unavailable or dismissive. These children learn to rely on themselves because seeking comfort from caregivers often leads to disappointment. They suppress their emotional needs to avoid feeling rejected.

In adult relationships, avoidant attached individuals may struggle with intimacy, fearing that closeness will compromise their autonomy. They often pair poorly with anxious partners, as the anxious person’s need for closeness clashes with their desire for distance. However, a secure partner’s patience and steadiness can help them open up over time.

Disorganized Attachment

The disorganized attachment style is a combination of anxious and avoidant tendencies. People with this style often exhibit unpredictable behaviors – they might crave intimacy one moment and push it away the next. Their relationships can be tumultuous because they struggle to manage their conflicting desires for connection and self-protection.

This attachment style is frequently associated with childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. When caregivers are both a source of comfort and fear, the child develops a confused understanding of relationships. As adults, they may find it challenging to trust others, regulate emotions, or maintain stable partnerships.

Disorganized attachment often requires therapeutic intervention to heal. While these individuals may find relationships difficult, working with a compassionate and understanding partner can provide a safe space for growth and healing.

How Attachment Styles Influence Adult Relationships

Attachment styles shape how people behave in relationships – from how they communicate to how they handle conflict. For example, someone with a secure attachment style is likely to address disagreements calmly and constructively. In contrast, an anxiously attached person might feel panicked during a fight, fearing it signals the end of the relationship, while an avoidant partner might withdraw entirely.

These dynamics also influence who people are drawn to. Unfortunately, people with insecure attachment styles often gravitate toward partners who reinforce their fears. For instance, an anxious person might be drawn to an avoidant partner because their emotional unavailability feels familiar, even if it’s painful. This can create a push-and-pull dynamic that is hard to break without awareness and effort.

Can Attachment Styles Change?

While attachment styles are often rooted in childhood, they’re not set in stone. Life experiences, therapy, and self-reflection can help individuals move toward a more secure attachment style. For example, a relationship with a securely attached partner can provide a model for healthier behavior, while personal growth work can help individuals address their insecurities and fears.

Thankfully, there are some steps you can take to move towards a more secure attachment style:

1. Self-Awareness: Understanding your attachment style is the first step toward change. Reflect on your past relationships and consider how your behaviors align with the characteristics of each style.
2. Therapy: Working with a therapist can help you uncover the root causes of your attachment patterns and develop healthier ways of relating to others.
3. Mindful Communication: Practice expressing your needs and emotions openly and without fear of judgment. This can help build trust and intimacy in relationships.
4. Choose Supportive Partners: Seek relationships with people who are emotionally available and willing to work through challenges with you. Avoid relationships that perpetuate unhealthy patterns.
5. Build Self-Esteem: Cultivate a strong sense of self-worth through self-care, hobbies, and personal achievements. The more confident you feel in yourself, the less dependent you’ll be on others for validation.

Why Understanding Attachment Styles Matters

Learning about attachment styles can transform the way we approach relationships. It fosters empathy for ourselves and others by revealing the underlying reasons for our behaviors. Recognizing that your partner’s withdrawal or clinginess might stem from their past experiences – not a reflection of your worth – can diffuse tension and create a more compassionate environment.

Additionally, understanding attachment can help you break free from unhealthy cycles. If you’ve repeatedly found yourself in toxic relationships, identifying your attachment style can illuminate patterns you may not have noticed before. With this awareness, you can take deliberate steps toward building healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Final Thoughts

Attachment styles offer a powerful framework for understanding human relationships. They reveal how our early experiences shape the way we connect with others and provide a roadmap for growth and healing.

While no one’s attachment style is completely fixed, acknowledging and addressing your patterns can lead to profound transformation. Whether you’re striving for greater intimacy, recovering from heartbreak, or simply seeking to understand yourself better, exploring attachment styles is a journey worth taking.

For more on this, there’s a book I recommend called ‘Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find–and Keep–Love‘, which is available on Amazon for about $10.

Which attachment style fits you? Write to me and let me know!

~ Lexi

Lewd Lexi

Lewd Lexi is a professional adult voice actress, phone sex operator, and sexuality educator. Here on LewdLexi.com, she shares not only her newest releases and projects, but works to provide resources to give everyone a better sex life!

Consider signing up to her email newsletter to stay up-to-date with newest releases, along with a bunch of other goodies you can learn about by clicking here!

lewdlexi.com

Thankfully, I want to say straight away that this isn’t necessarily true. Long distance relationships come with their own set of challenges, but their own set of rewards as well. And if you actively work on maintaining and progressing the relationship forward, there is no reason it can’t lead to the two people spending the rest of their lives together.

There are countless success stories, and you can be one of them.

That being said, we have to take a look at the objective reality of long distance relationships. What makes them work, and what causes them to fall apart. Just like most in-person relationships, not every person is going to be the right fit for you. But when you find that special someone, you don’t have to let the distance stop you.

What Makes Long Distance Relationships Fantastic

In today’s modern dating scene, I’m actually a huge fan of long distance relationships.

Think about it this way. Even if you live in a big city, there are only so many people around you that you’ll ever meet, and only a small percentage of those will be single. Of those that are single, you probably don’t vibe with most people – at least not enough to one day marry them.

The idea that there are 8 billion people on the planet and we believe we’ll find our soulmate within walking distance of our house is kind of silly.

The internet allows you to get exposed to and meet plenty of people at a much faster rate. Yes, most of them you’ll filter out quite quickly as potential mates, but it’s still much easier to find people that you really connect with.

This is especially true if you aren’t someone that gets out into the community, or partakes in hobbies outside the home.

Long distance relationships also give you the time to really get to know each other on a deeper and more personal level, without potentially rushing into things. Generally speaking, many people that enter into long distance relationships are better fits for each other than those you’d casually date, meaning you’ll be wasting less time on relationships that won’t work out.

Why Long Distance Relationships Fall Apart

Of course, long distance relationships have challenges, and that’s part of what gives them the stigma of being less viable.

Let’s look over some of the reasons why long distance relationships DON’T work out – at least not always. This will make it easier to avoid these potential issues if they appear in your relationship.

1. No Belief In The Future

After some time has gone on, most people naturally have a desire to escalate the relationship further, which isn’t always easy in long distance relationships.

With local relationships, it typically follows a path like this:

1. You start dating.
2. You two become exclusive.
3. You have sex for the first time. Sometimes, this step and the last one are flipped.
4. You move in with each other.
5. You get engaged, married, and spend the rest of your lives together.

With long distance relationships, you can really only get up to step two – becoming exclusive, before you run into problems.

While you can certainly do sexual things together, it’s not the same as doing it in person. And eventually, most people want to get married and have the relationship they dreamed of.

So, what happens? Well, even if you’ve been seeing each other in person, and are able to have sex when that happens, one person will inevitably have to move.

This is challenging if they have family, a career, or other obligations that they’d have to sacrifice. When both people are unwilling to give their current life up to move and live with the other person, the relationship fizzles out.

2. Mismatched Needs

This one affects local relationships as well, but problems become more prevalent in long distance relationships.

All of us have needs. Sex, intimacy, time together – these are all things that people expect in the relationship. And when there’s distance involved, making sure all of these needs are met can be more challenging.

You can’t make any surprise visits, and it’s harder to keep up with each other’s schedules. If somebody is not available to answer their phone (or chooses not to), there is absolutely no way to see or get in contact with them.

In some ways, the two of you are living completely different lives.

3. Fear, Jealousy, And Resentment

Often in long distance relationships, at least one of the two people are not getting enough of the other person. They may want more time, or simply to feel closer to them.

This makes them more prone to negative emotions when you spend time with other people in your life.

It’s important to remember that we are an irrational and anxious species. We are hardwired this way to keep us safe.

If you are a guy dating a woman, and you hang out with a female friend, this may make your partner jealous. In a local relationship, she’d be able to meet her, it may be immediately obvious the two of you are just friends. But when there’s distance involved, she does not have the same opportunity to put her fears at rest.

Let’s also be honest – it’s a lot easier to cheat in long distance relationships, because nobody is there to check on each other. Cheating is much easier to hide.

I’ve seen long distance relationships end just due to the accusation of cheating, when in fact, none was taking place.

The fact of the matter is, communication is just plain harder when it’s not done in person. Body language alone makes up over half the way we communicate, according to studies done. People misinterpret things you say over text, and poor communication reinforces fears, and amplifies problems.

This isn’t to say all problems can’t be solved, but it is another thing working against you.

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Truthfully, I could probably write an entire course on how to have successful long distance relationships. But here are some of my top tips:

1. Agree To A Plan – And Stick To It

Everyone always has more belief in something working, when they have a plan to achieve it. This is just as true for relationships as it is for anything else.

You need to define the goals you have for the relationship, make sure you’re on the same page, and then come up with an actionable plan for each of you to achieve it.

The plan should address the following topics:

• How long are you willing to wait before seeing each other?
• How frequently will you see each other in person?
• Who will be the one that eventually moves?
• For the person moving, what will be done to ensure that they feel safe, comfortable, and treated fairly?
• What will happen if the two of you move in together, and it doesn’t work out?
• How will you overcome long distance issues, like dates and sex?
• How long will you give the relationship before next steps – like moving in together are required?

You want to avoid making the other person feel like they’re being strung along, or like the relationship is going nowhere.

If you can, be as specific as possible, setting specific dates and steps needed for the plan to come to fruition.

2. Engage In Sexual Behavior

Like any relationship, it should not be all about the sex straight from the beginning.

However, it is an important part of the relationship, and you both need to be sure that your needs are being met.

In a long distance relationship, sex comes in many ways. Of course you should be sending naughty messages to each other, but surprise pictures, dedicated video calls, sharing fantasies, these are all good ways to keep the sexual spark, despite the distance.

I am a huge fan of mutual masturbation during video calls, as this incorporates real-time sight and sound that is so important for building sexual intimacy.

I also really like the long-distance toys that Lovense offers.

Most of their toys can be controlled from afar by the other person using an app.

Some toys – like the Lovense Max 2 and Lovense Nora, connect with each other. So, when she puts the dildo inside of her, it activates your toy the same amount, essentially making it so the two of you can pleasure each other!

The opposite is also true, you can fuck the Max 2 and it will activate her Nora, so it’s kind of like you’re fucking her.

Pretty neat!

3. Actively Make Each Other Feel Loved And Valued

If you want the relationship to thrive, it’s very important you pay attention to the five ‘love languages’ people have. These are:

• Acts of service
• Quality time
• Gifts
• Words of affirmation
• Physical touch.

Obviously, that last one isn’t possible, making the other four even MORE important. Thankfully, there is no reason you can’t utilize all of them.

For example, an act of service can be as simple as finding movies that you think the two of you might like to watch together. Quality time might be watching that movie, or another planned, memorable activity altogether. Gifts, I believe, should be something physical that they can actually see and hold, even when you’re not around. Bonus points if it’s something you made yourself, or has some sentimental meaning that’s unique to the two of you.

After all, who wouldn’t want a surprise gift arriving in the mail from their sweetheart?

If you want to learn more about the five love languages, check out this article here!

Closing Thoughts

There is no reason that long distance relationships can’t work. Soulmates come together every single day that originally met online, and I don’t believe distance will stop two people that are destined for each other.

Of course, because of the challenges that they bring, it does require you to be conscious of the issues, and work on minimizing them. But I believe in time, things can work out for you.

I’m curious – would you potentially be interested in taking a course on long distance relationships – either getting into one, or making them thrive and succeed? I’m hoping to get into more educational stuff soon, and I’m still deciding what to focus on first. So, do me a favor and let me know!

Anyhow, I hope you found this article helpful. Please feel free to reach out if there are ever any specific questions I can answer for you!

~ Lexi

Lewd Lexi

Lewd Lexi is a professional adult voice actress, phone sex operator, and sexuality educator. Here on LewdLexi.com, she shares not only her newest releases and projects, but works to provide resources to give everyone a better sex life!

Consider signing up to her email newsletter to stay up-to-date with newest releases, along with a bunch of other goodies you can learn about by clicking here!

lewdlexi.com

(Gold diggers were stereotypically women in the past, because men made all the money. Now that it’s equaled out a bit, we are seeing gold digging happening on BOTH sides, though it’s still more common that men are the victims.)

Thankfully, there are some pretty telltale signs you can look out for that may indicate whether they’re only in it for the money.

Everyone deserves to be with someone that actually cares about who they are as a person. So, in this article, let’s look over 8 telltale signs that someone may in fact be a gold digger, out for your money and nothing else!

1. Entitled Attitude

Typically speaking, gold diggers are entitled.

They are used to being spoiled in past relationships, and may have only left them because the other person either caught onto their ways, ran out of money, or they are looking to ‘climb the ladder’ so to speak – aligning themselves with someone even more wealthy, more powerful, and so on.

Emotionally, they have so little invested into you, that they are ready to walk away from you as soon as it’s no longer beneficial to them. They may see themselves as above you in some way, like you owe them simply because they chose to spend time with you.

They may create drama and start problems just so you can ‘resolve’ them in the form of some sort of expensive gift or vacation.

2. Being Attractive Helps

If the other person is very attractive, it helps inflate that sense of entitlement just mentioned. It also gives them even more leverage to use against you.

I hate to say it, but this is particularly true if the gold digger is a woman. All guys want a smoking hot girlfriend, and many gold diggers use sex as a reward. You get sex out of the relationship, so in her mind, you ‘owe’ it to her to spoil her financially in order to keep things fair.

This is a completely twisted way to approach relationships, but they can get away with it because it works. Trust me. I work in the adult industry, and although I consider the type of content I make to be on the more ethical side of things, I’ve witnessed firsthand how much guys will spend for a hot piece of ass. I’ve had coaching clients who have admitted they spent their life savings, all the way to bankruptcy to try to make an attractive woman love them. It breaks my heart to see.

The issue with being attractive – and this is why it’s a stereotype that attractive women are bitchy, is because they KNOW they have options. They have men all the time trying to flirt with them, take them on dates, and of course, spend money on them.

When you’re alone and feeling unwanted, even a single person being interested in you can spark you with joy. When you know you have hundreds of other men that would feel blessed to date you in a second, you don’t hold them with the same value. I guess it’s simple economics, but it feels weird to quantify it like that when we’re talking about human hearts.

Anyway, when you’re just a wallet to someone AND they can find new people straight away, there is no risk of walking away from you. If it stops being profitable or there’s a better opportunity elsewhere, many gold diggers will jump ship.

3. They Seem Out Of Your League

Gold diggers often, but not always date someone that they see as beneath them, in all ways except financially.

Again, this comes down to risk, and the ability to walk away.

For normal people, looks aren’t everything. In fact, no one area of your personality, appearance or status will make or break the relationship. For gold diggers, money is the ONLY thing that matters.

If you have a lot of money, it’s important to look for other value that the person is getting out of the relationship. Do you really think they find you attractive? Do they seem genuinely interested in your life, your goals, your hobbies? Do they actually seem like they are having a good time with you, even if you’re not doing something that costs a lot of money?

These are important questions to ask yourself!

4. They Aren’t Interested In Working Or Contributing Financially

This isn’t a telltale sign on its own, but it is something to take note of.

In most relationships, it’s reasonable for both people to put roughly an equal effort in. In the modern world, one income usually isn’t enough, so it’s not surprising for both partners to work.

If someone doesn’t show any interest in working, or contributing financially at all, this may be a sign that they’re a gold digger.

That being said, what matters more than direct financial contribution is the amount of effort put forth overall.

Many people desire to be housewives or househusbands, and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s actually quite a lot of work!

In addition to time spent cooking, cleaning and taking care of other household chores, non-working partners can actually save the household money by DIYing projects, shopping for deals, and saving the both of you time overall.

If somebody only wants to take, take, take and give nothing in return however except sex, you have reason to be concerned!

5. They Target Older People

It’s common for gold diggers to target older people. In fact, this is where you most commonly see gold diggers portrayed in the media – young, sexy women marrying older men, knowing they’re going to spend lavishly and die soon. Conveniently, leaving much of the inheritance to their wife.

However, gold diggers don’t prey only on senior citizens.

It’s rare that you see a gold digger target a man or woman in their 20’s, unless that person flaunts their wealth or was born into a rich family.

Once you get into your 30’s, 40’s and beyond however, it’s much more likely that you become a target for gold diggers. This is because they know that by this point, most people are established in their careers, no longer are suffering with student loans, and may have disposable income that they can take from you.

6. They Want You To Avoid Using Your Finances For Others

Funny enough, gold diggers are VERY protective over your money. In other words, they don’t want it going to anyone but them.

Anyone that may capture some of your financial attention, or anyone that gets your money, is money that won’t be going to them. And they know that.

They don’t want you signing up for any financial obligations. If you’re not married, this can even include long-term loans or payments, like a new car. They know they won’t be around long enough to see it paid off, and that is a monthly payment that you could be spending on them instead.

I have even heard stories of gold diggers making their partners stop donating to charities and other causes they cared about, because they found these things to be a threat.

Pay attention to any way that they try to reallocate how you spend your money – especially if they directly benefit from it. ‘Saving for a vacation’ may sound wholesome and something a partner that wants to get closer to you would say, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of other areas of life that you want to spend money on.

7. They Show Financial Interest Early On

Gold diggers do not want to waste time on people who are broke. They simply have too many other options they’ll choose to pursue instead.

Therefore, they’ll often ask questions early on – even on the 1st or 2nd date, about your financial situation.

Some will directly ask what your salary is, while others will poke around by asking about what you do for work.

The opposite is true if it’s publicly KNOWN you are wealthy. If you are a person of notoriety or you’re born into a rich family and your peer group knows this, gold diggers have no reason to ask you about your finances. They already know you’re loaded. In fact, they’ll go out of their way to AVOID bringing up your money situation, to give the appearance they are genuinely interested in you as a person.

That being said, it is important for couples to be on the same page when it comes to financial goals and values. However, there is a time and place for it, and in most cases, it really isn’t appropriate for a first date.

8. They Don’t Appreciate The Sentiment Of Other Gifts / Actions

Did you know that there are many ways in which people feel loved, or can show affection to others?

Some of these include physical touch, acts of service, and spending quality time together. I cover the different ‘love languages’ in this article here.

For gold diggers, the only thing they care about is receiving gifts. Not just any gift, but gifts that are expensive.

Most people when receiving a gift, appreciate the thought and sentiment behind it. A trinket that reminds you of a special memory doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, but can be incredibly meaningful to the receiver.

Not to gold diggers. They could care less for sentimental objects, flowers, or something that reminds them of you. They want something they can either flaunt for status, or resell after they’re done with you.

This is why so many gold diggers push people to use expensive gifts as a way to make up after an argument. Some of them even start drama just so they can get a gift in order to resolve it.

The behavior is disgusting, and should be called out when you see it.

Closing Thoughts

Unfortunately, there is no way to know someone’s intentions for sure – even if they exhibit every trait in this list.

Therefore, it’s ultimately up to you to use your best judgement, and don’t be afraid to speak up or back out of the relationship if you feel uncomfortable.

We all deserve someone that loves us for who we are, so don’t settle for someone who is using you. You’re better than this, and you WILL find someone better for you in the long run!

If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to ask.

Wishing you the best in your future relationships!

~ Lexi

Lewd Lexi

Lewd Lexi is a professional adult voice actress, phone sex operator, and sexuality educator. Here on LewdLexi.com, she shares not only her newest releases and projects, but works to provide resources to give everyone a better sex life!

Consider signing up to her email newsletter to stay up-to-date with newest releases, along with a bunch of other goodies you can learn about by clicking here!

lewdlexi.com

The idea of them was popularized by a very famous book called ‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts’, and as the name implies, there are five of them in total. Essentially, they are the five different ways that people feel that they are loved by others. While all of them will make you feel loved in some way, the author believes that each one of us has a ‘dominant’ love language that reigns above all others.

So, if you can figure out what somebody’s dominant love language is, you unlock the key to their heart – helping them feel loved by you, and building the connection between the two of you to be stronger than ever.

In this article, I’ll break down a brief overview of the five different love languages, so you can perhaps identify which one sounds like you – and which one might be the dominant love language in other people as well!

Note: These Are Not Fixed!

One thing I’d like to point out of course is that love languages are not completely ‘fixed.’ People feel love in plenty of different ways, and just because one love language may be more dominant in a person’s life right now, it doesn’t mean that it will be that way forever.

Life experiences, current struggles, mood, your relationship with that person – these can all cause the way they feel love to morph over time.

Anyhow, let’s start out with the first love language, physical touch.

The Five Love Languages

1. Physical Touch

If physical touch is someone’s love language, they feel their most loved when they are physically touching their partners, or whoever they’re trying to connect with. Touch plays an important part in bonding, but it’s particularly important for those who have physical touch as their primary love language.

They may find sex to be a particularly important part of building intimacy, and may have a much greater need for things like holding each other or cuddling. In fact, a perfect date night might just be snuggling up on the couch and watching a movie while the two of you hold each other.

Of course, it’s just as important to focus on little touches as well. Grabbing their hand while you walk with them. Brushing their shoulder when you approach them. Playing with their hair. Kissing their cheek. These actions go a long way towards helping them feel loved.

2. Acts Of Service

Next up – and these are in no particular order by the way, we have acts of service.

People with ‘acts of service’ as their love language feel particularly loved when people go out of their way to help them, or to make their lives easier. If someone is an avid believer that actions speak louder than words, acts of service are a great way to show them that you care about them.

This can be as intimate as bringing them soup and taking care of them while they’re sick, to small tasks like loading the dishwasher or making a call on their behalf.

3. Quality Time

The third love language is quality time spent together. And it really is about quality – not just quantity.

People want time focused on them, making memories together and having shared experiences that are not only positive, but memorable.

Watching TV and chatting while you browse social media on your phone isn’t quality time. Watching something you’re both interested in, being fully invested in it, and sharing your thoughts and ideas afterwards may be, however.

People with quality time as their love language want your full, undivided attention either towards them, or towards your shared experience. They want to know that you’re not only spending time with them, but you actually care and enjoy it as well. This means eye contact, active listening, and again – no cell phone.

4. Gifts

Gifts is a pretty straightforward love language.

Now when you hear this, it might seem like someone with ‘gifts’ as their primary love language is greedy, materialistic, or otherwise just wants things from you. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

In fact, if ‘gifts’ are your primary love language, you probably care far more about the symbolic gesture or the meaning behind the item, rather than the monetary value of the item itself. Something that reminds you of an experience you two had together, or a cheap little trinket that represents an inside joke will probably mean far more than jewelry or expensive clothing, for example.

These gifts will be kept and treasured forever, and the length you went to get it – and the time you spent thinking about it, shows that person that you really care.

5. Words Of Affirmation

The final love language is words of affirmation.

People with this love language feel particularly loved when you go out of their way to praise or compliment them. When you take notice of the good things they do, and you acknowledge them for it. When you say things just to make them feel good, even when there wasn’t anything that called for it.

They love verbal encouragement, hearing you directly tell them that you love them, and receiving cute little messages from you throughout the day.

They love feeling understood, appreciated, and recognized for the positive things they do, or the positive traits they exhibit.

Something as simple as “you look good in that dress” or “I’m really proud of you for doing that hard thing” go a really long way.

Closing Thoughts

Maybe one of these love languages stood out to you – or maybe it didn’t. This of course is just a brief overview, and going through the book in its entirety can really help you not only understand the love languages on a deeper level, but gain an intuitive sense of the love langauges of other people.

Remember that most people need all of these, to some degree. Just because someone’s love language is acts of service doesn’t mean they don’t also need physical touch as well. Just like gifts don’t make up for quality time with someone, either. It’s all a spectrum, and it can change over time.

I hope that this article has helped, and if you’d like to support the blog, please consider joining my Patreon. Even the smallest tier goes a long way towards helping me provide free education to everyone.

Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day!

~ Lexi

Lewd Lexi

Lewd Lexi is a professional adult voice actress, phone sex operator, and sexuality educator. Here on LewdLexi.com, she shares not only her newest releases and projects, but works to provide resources to give everyone a better sex life!

Consider signing up to her email newsletter to stay up-to-date with newest releases, along with a bunch of other goodies you can learn about by clicking here!

lewdlexi.com

He’s rude. Disrespectful. Doesn’t care about her. Constantly does stupid things that aren’t right for him, let alone for their relationship.

So when you step back and think about it logically, it makes no sense why these sorts of guys are able to attract so many girls. But what is it about them that makes them so appealing? Why do girls chase after bad boys, and what do they actually see in these men anyway?

It turns out, there are some pretty logical reasons – or at least, they make sense when you recognize them. So, in this article, I’ll be breaking these down, and how you can take on some of these same attractive qualities without making a jerk out of yourself!

1. They Crave Excitement And Dopamine

Perhaps the biggest reason that bad boys are attractive as a whole, is because they tend to live more unpredictable, more exciting lives.

Or, at least it appears that way.

It’s no secret that bad boys tend to ‘use’ women, and only spend time with them when they want something out of them. They are emotionally unavailable otherwise, and aren’t there for women unless it’s for selfish purposes.

This leads to two things.

First of all, when a bad boy does contact a woman, it’s usually to do something fun, exciting, or new. Now, I’m not saying this behavior is right, or will lead to the highest quality relationship in the long-term. But it does train her brain to associate this man with fun and excitement, which, especially with someone new, is more appealing than stability and comfort.

Remember that we are just impulsive animals, and don’t always prioritize our best long-term interests over short-term gains.

Anyhow, this rush of excitement also initiates ‘the chase.’ We obsess over the things we want but can’t have, especially if we believe that we can attain them at some point.

Attention from bad boys releases a hint of dopamine. Dopamine is released when we attain a reward, but also when we anticipate attaining a reward. And since bad boys are selfish, girls don’t get that reward often enough for it to become boring or unexciting.

In fact, dopamine is released in higher quantities when you try something, but don’t get the reward each time.

Anyhow, dopamine rushes are the core of what makes bad boys appealing to many women. Dopamine is the same hormone that lies at the root of all addictions – to porn, to MMOs, to hard drugs.

And unfortunately, to the attention from bad boys too.

If you want to learn more about how dopamine controls our lives, I highly recommend the book ‘The Molecule Of More’ by Daniel Lieberman and Michael Long.

2. They Are Living Out Their Inner Rebel

Interestingly enough, one study showed that girls that were never allowed to express their emotions when they were growing up, were more likely to be attracted to bad boys later on in life.

It’s natural for teenagers to go through rebellious stages, where we lash out against authority, do things we’re not supposed to, and live life on the wild side a little bit. But due to harsh parenting, not everybody got to do this.

We are often attracted to qualities in people that we wish we had. If we wish we were a little more daring, a little more outspoken and so on, we’re more likely to be attracted to potential partners that share those same qualities.

Picture a young girl with harsh parents, that always expected her to be on her best behavior. She wasn’t allowed to lash out. She wasn’t allowed to express her emotions.

Being with a ‘bad boy’ frees her from the pressure of having to be a ‘good girl’, something she was forced into all of her life.

Thankfully, just like teenagers’ rebellious phases naturally fizzle out, so does seeking out bad boys. As women age and become more mature, they are less likely to seek out bad boys in general.

3. Their Past Relationships Bored Them

All of us crave some sort of fun and excitement in our lives. Especially in the modern world, where we go out less than ever, we’re stuck working mind-numbing jobs we don’t care about, and social media has made us more connected – but also more distant than ever before.

It can actually be beneficial for both men and women to date many different types of partners, to figure out what they actually want and need out of a relationship.

If a woman dated many ‘nice guys’ in the past with stable but boring routines and lifestyles, they may seek out a bad boy for the sole purpose of shaking things up, and trying something new.

Remember, it may look like bad boys get a lot of women, but there aren’t a whole lot of bad boys compared to good men, and the relationships they have don’t really tend to last.

Anyhow, the point of this article is not to make you feel like you need to change who you are. If a woman doesn’t appreciate your true personality, then she doesn’t deserve you anyway. And ‘faking it’ can be detected by a woman a mile away – it actually makes you appear even more insecure.

But what can you do to make your life more exciting? Do you have an active social life and things you’ve got going on already? Or, are you expecting her to be your entire social life herself?

This isn’t appealing, or attractive. Bad boys tend to have bigger social lives due to their extroverted and confident nature. But this has nothing to do with being bad.

You can live a more exciting life without changing your personality. And you can be sure that if you do, more women will want to come along for the ride.

4. They Like Dominant, Assertive Men

This is not true for all women, but generally speaking, women find dominance and assertiveness as attractive personality traits.

This goes back to our caveman – or should I say cavewoman days. We needed to find mates that could help ensure our survival, and keep us protected.

Leaders. People who are willing to speak out and stand up for what needs to be done. People who command control and won’t let people walk over or take advantage of them.

Confrontation is uncomfortable. But bad boys are so used to it, that it doesn’t bother them anymore. They may appear like loud-mouthed aggressive jerks, but if that person is on your side – well, it is valuable when it comes to surviving.

5. They Believe They Can ‘Fix’ Them

This one again, comes down to dopamine.

Even if someone has a bad reputation of being a womanizer or even downright abusive, certain women are drawn to ‘fixer uppers.’ They want the pride of being the one that finally gets them to change their ways, to get them to settle down and become a good man, to ‘tame’ them.

Of course, this never works out. You can’t force someone to change – people only change if they want to.

Winning more of a bad boy’s attention, or getting him to change his behavior gives you the excitement of winning a reward, or the satisfaction from finishing a project. And since it never happens, this keeps women in ‘the chase’ we talked about earlier.

Actually, some people are addicted to the ‘chase’ period itself, and the romantic roller coaster it provides. With nice guys who are chasing after a woman, this ‘chase’ period is nonexistent. They get together, and he immediately is ready to do whatever she wants, however often she wants. This feels good, but can quickly become boring for people addicted to the chase. And after the ‘honeymoon’ period of the relationship is over, people get bored, and they break up. This is true on both sides.

Bad boys are the polar opposite. The ‘chase’ period is longer, and may only end when the woman finally gives up – or jumps to someone else they believe has more potential to fill whatever need she has.

6. Their Parents Were Narcissists

Finally, girls who were raised by narcissistic parents tend to chase after bad boys more than those who grew up in a stable, loving family.

We often look for partners who are similar to our parents. This feels safe, secure, and we understand them. We know what we need to do in order to be rewarded with the love that we need.

Many girls that were raised by narcissists had to behave a certain way, or do certain things to ‘win’ a parent’s love, even if only for a moment. Oftentimes these households have lots of emotional highs and lows. For example, perhaps parents got into fights or arguments, but then were forgiving and loving afterward.

If you only ever got a hug after you were yelled at – or the love was conditional on you behaving a certain way, that can really mess with someone.

These types of girls are often quick to start arguments or drama over absolutely anything, just for the sake of doing so. Hence, seeking out bad boys, who naturally act this way on their own.

It’s sad, but it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the way they were raised.

Closing Thoughts

You don’t need to become a bad boy to attract women – nor should you.

However, I think there is a lot to learn from the things they have in common. Bad boys are confident, they live exciting lives (or, at least it appears that way), and they aren’t reliant on their partners to fulfill every emotional need that they have. These are all traits you can work on yourself, without needing to change or fake who you are as a person.

Remember that bad boys may appear to be pulling in women now, but these relationships don’t last, nor do they lead to long-term satisfaction. As women naturally mature and realize that nothing good comes from dating a bad boy, they tend to seek out better men as time goes on. So if you’re still young, hang in there.

Want to learn more about positive traits that can help make you more attractive? Check out my article on what attracts women to older men as well – it makes great supplemental reading after this article.

Good luck out there, and be patient! The right one will come.

~ Lexi

Lewd Lexi

Lewd Lexi is a professional adult voice actress, phone sex operator, and sexuality educator. Here on LewdLexi.com, she shares not only her newest releases and projects, but works to provide resources to give everyone a better sex life!

Consider signing up to her email newsletter to stay up-to-date with newest releases, along with a bunch of other goodies you can learn about by clicking here!

lewdlexi.com